Staying Active

Finding Help That Lets You Live Alone

In his classic essay Walden, Henry David Thoreau wrote: "I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude."

Whether you're in agreement with Thoreau’s dictum, or find yourself living alone in later years by circumstance rather than by choice, going it solo safely and successfully requires some good planning. A rigorous pioneer mindset is all well and good, but the logistics of living in today’s world are in many ways more complex than the timeless challenge of having food to eat and a roof over one’s head.

Most of us, throughout our lives, take pride in how well we’re able to care for our own basic needs—even though we may share our home and our social time with a spouse or others. Independence is the bedrock of our identity, to a degree that’s invisible to us until we find that the compromises of aging inevitably force us to depend on others in various ways—even if we live alone. How well we adjust to those necessary changes is an important predictor of the comfort, grace, and happiness that we’re able to enjoy in the years after retirement.

Fortunately, that proportion of our life span has grown steadily in recent years. The latest statistics show that a 65-year-old American man will enjoy an average of 15 years more life—about 12 of them active and independent, the rest with some degree of help from other people. A woman at 65 can expect an average 19 years more life, 14 of them in unassisted living.

Where that assistance is concerned, the statistical "graying of America" that we read so much about is working to older people's advantage: a wide range of new businesses, co-ops, and volunteer organizations are being created to help meet those personal needs with minimal encroachment on the privacy and independence of the people they serve.

One example of many is a worker-owned cooperative that provides services to elderly and disabled clients in rural Wisconsin. As Karen Taylor, a certified nursing assistant (CNA) in Wisconsin comments, "When a person can come home and sit in his favorite chair, eat his favorite home-cooked foods and get up or go to bed when he wants to, those little things help make a person happy."

Researchers in the field agree. One study concludes that home care "maintains the recipient's dignity and independence, qualities that are all too often lost even in the best care institutions. Through assistance with dressing, bathing, feeding, shopping, meal preparation and housework, the elderly and people with disabilities can, and do, live independently in their own homes."

Cost, and the skills to manage the logistics of various caregivers, are two considerations when choosing the supplemental home-care route.

One good place to start finding out what your options are is the web site www.eldercarelink.com. The site offers a free online survey of your care needs, geographical location, budget, etc., and puts you in touch with appropriate providers in your own area.